Ready, set, update!

     Twice the itchiness, twice as early. Twice the nausea, twice the exhaustion, twice the "can do" attitude. See where I'm going with this? Twice the support system, twice the love, twice the efforts and trials. How many times can I say "twice" before it starts sounding weird...? :) 

     So here we go! I am ONLY 8 weeks and 6 days, but I am ONLY one appointment away from graduating from Fertility and Endocrines specialized care. So, this is still earlier than most pregnant women feel comfortable sharing- but c'mon, blog posts, Facebook updates, who am I am kidding- I like to share. (So for the person that sent me the text about not telling them...it's public knowledge, don't try to ruin my day!) So share, I shall! And I have pictures for you! 
I kept them to myself until we had made it a little further because, things happen, cells could quit growing(been there), and what if it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to? But also, what if I need people to know? What if I want to celebrate the good news? So here ya go! 

     Right now, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TWINS HERE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!


     We are not shocked or surprised but we are thrilled. We chose to transfer two traditional IVF embryos on November 14th. We carefully assessed their grades and their qualities. They will be fraternal twins  as they each came from their own embryo. Technically, they got their start the same way Lucy did, at the same time- weird, right? 

It was the same cost (not that it should matter) to thaw two embryos and they both went in at the same time in the same catheter.
 I went in to the consult appointment ready to argue my points (in hopes of transferring two) with Dr. Krause because the first round of IVF, she was not so pro multiples... this time, she brought it up first! So of course we agreed! We know the risks, we understand what we are getting ourselves into... and as our friend Aaron put it, "With the third kid, we had to switch from man to man to zone defense." We're ready, well..... we're ready to try anyway! :) 
We had a clue that both embryos stuck at the first blood test, the pregenecy hormone called HCG was at 1267 and in two days the number is supposed to double. My HCG tested at 3315 the next blood draw. We were getting confident but still weren’t positive they would both continue growing. Then the ultrasounds, we could see heartbeats for both! Then at the most recent ultrasound, we watched them both squirm and swim around and wave their little limbs. So. Cool. 
    
     The only thing that I am taking two times as much is the folic acid, the rest of the medications stay the same. I am still doing progesterone shots, estrogen patches and other progesterone. Hoping at my next appointment, 10 weeks, that we are done with those things and just keeping up with vitamins! 

Day 5 Blastocysts Nov 14

Positive Pregnancy test after the two week wait. Nov 26

First ultrasound, Dec 10
6 weeks, 4 days

Second ultrasound, Dec 26
8 weeks 5 days

Otis is thinking PAWSITIVE (or dreaming)

 Christmas was totally awesome of course. I felt awful but look at this cool kid. We celebrated all day long with a nap in the middle. She loved visiting and playing as much as she loved the presents. 

Day after Christmas, cruising. 

If you didn't get to see my house all decorated for Christmas...sorry, it's alllllll put away!!! 

IVF is awesome- but also, let's be real...

     If you or anyone you know is faced with the decision of using IVF to grow their family, encourage them- and I'll encourage you- to do it! It is beautiful and all things awesome. It is mind-blowing to have science help your body make beautiful, brilliant babies. It's all things amazing!

Now, that you know how awesome IVF is, stop reading. Also, don't tell anyone that is considering IVF any of the information you are about to read....

     

     IVF is hard. And I'm not complaining, I know I am lucky. I am being real. I am also writing this to remind myself how tough this really is. It's not that I forgot from this summer or from 2015. It's just you don't remember the exact way it happens because you are so excited about the opportunity or the current successes. That is how it is most of the day right now too!

    

And then- its hard. So, if you didn't know, let me tell you a few real things about IVF. 

Gray hair is actually a common side effect. The mix of medications and hormones speed up that graying process. Of course, you want to be the best mom ever and so careful about everything you do- so there's no dying of any kind until everyone is in the clear. So these grays, they are sparkling proudly as holiday decorations in my hair. 

I itch. This is not a common symptom...I've asked and asked and asked. My skin is hyper sensitive. The lightest touch will set my skin on fire, itching and spreading. Spraying with lavender and peppermint dulls the heat, but it is intense. It is hives all day, and all over. My scalp even starts burning if I get warm or stressed- so yes, emotions help control the misery too. (I know, a small price to pay)

     Turns out, this round- I get queasy. Morning, afternoon, night, it doesn't seem to matter. If I don't have enough to eat or smell something unfavorable, all the icky feelings. Now, that may go hand in hand with any other pregnancy- I only have IVF pregnancies to compare. 

     A very IVF symptom or side effect is being so flubby. It's the hormones. I was feeling so good after losing 36 pounds, thats right, 36. Then I started shooting up progesterone and wearing estrogen patches. Then comes the other progesterone inserts. Geez- so much flub. The hormones cause you to retain fluids and just be so flubby. Thank goodness for the dress down days at school. 

Another reason to be thankful for the holiday theme dress down days- injection sight soreness. I cannot comfortably wear jeans or real pants right now. My backside right below my hips is constantly sore from the stabbing needles in my nightly routine. My skin is much less bruised this go around- there's a positive! But the soreness is worse. Sleeping always helps me find creative ways to miss laying on the sore spots. After three rounds of these shots and being totally tough, I actually cried Saturday night because it hurt so bad. This is hard. 

I also puked in the car Sunday, but why did I think sitting in the back seat was ever going to end well?? 

So I may have lost my mind, I definitely feel like a frumpy, gray haired, itchy, uncomfortable mess and I am just so tired. 

Here's the good news. I can be pretty easily distracted from all of that. Teaching does it for me. When I have 23 other bodies to keep safe and productive, I forget all about the unpleasantness. Or I scratch while directing them to the next activity. Lucy is pretty surefire distraction too. She keeps me busy with playdoh and Christmas town characters so that is doesn't matter how flubby I'm feeling, she's having fun and I forget to be mildly miserable. 

Life is good and I can handle it. But let's be real and admit that it's not all rainbows and butterflies. Thinking positive is the ONLY way to do this. So keep sending those positive vibes, I'll channel them into itch fighting vibes. :) 

6 Weeks 3 Days

That's right. Six weeks, three days on Monday. 

     It's the holiday season and we are celebrating the good times! When things are good, you celebrate and things are so good! 
     We went to our specialist on Monday for our first ultrasound and it was wonderful. Everything is measuring exactly as it should, we got to see a flickering heartbeat (although its too early to hear anything.) I am sticking to my routine of progesterone injections, estrogen patches and other progesterone... All the vitamins and all the supplements! We are continuing the routine because its working! 
     Part of the routine now is being tired, so tired. I will gladly be tired when I know the end result is completely worth it. Also...the hives...they're back. With Lucy, it was at ten weeks that I started itching for no reason and getting hives at the brush of any kind of touch. This time....it was five weeks! And man, I am itchy!! But again, no complaints! I will deal and smile! :) We will return to Fertility and Endocrine the day after Christmas to check again. We love all the updates and we remember all too well that we will graduate after ten weeks and move to a regular OBGYN. We want to hang out with Dr. Krause as long as possible!! 
So we are still cautiously optimistic that things will continue as they are, but we also understand that this is soooooo early! We understand that things could change, so we keep that in mind as we celebrate these good times! <3

A HUGE thank you to everyone who bought a t-shirt! We don't have any extras, which is awesome. We also were able to not only pay for the patches we continue to purchase ($200/every two weeks) but also the vials of progesterone ($50/each) and we will use any extra to get the progesterone suppositories ($92/box of 21- and I use 3 a day)- too much info, I know. Haha! But really, you all are amazing! The love is astounding and the support is indescribable!

     One more thing, Lucy has no idea. The word sister means nothing to her and she cannot understand babies that she does not see. We can't even tell her about the fun things we do until we are literally at the "surprise" and she discovers the activity is happening. She is two and she is literal. She has no concept of time and we are fine with that!! So she is on a need to know basis and right now, she doesn't need to know! All she needs to know is how loved she is and how fun the holidays are! :) <3 

We went to the doctor.

 

The smooth transfer, the hectic resting period, the two week wait.... this trip is not to be confused with simple or easy. As we waited in the conferencing room at my doctors office (after we delivered chocolate chip cookies) I thought to myself, "I wouldn't wish this kind of anticipation on my worst enemy." Now that I'm writing this...I might actually wish this on the mean FedEx guy from the previous blog post. 

So, sitting in the doc's office. We arrived on time for our first test, I peed in a cup, almost overflowed it and suggested to the nurse that they have lids on hand next time as I walked it across the hall to the nurse's station. Then I went back to another office to have my blood drawn. I waited and waited and there was one person in front of me so I waited. And that wait was slightly worse than the driving the car to the doctors office wait. It was the 'try not to throw up, my body is overheating, why am I sweating so much' kind of waits.

One of my nurses walked by while I was waiting my turn and she totally avoided eye contact, so I was convinced the urine test was negative. After the blood draw, I joined Matt in the conference room and waited less then half a second for the doc to swoop in and swing the door closed. She immediately handed me the test and I SAW TWO LINES!! I love that she didn't waste any time- she appreciates my love for efficiency. 

So, we hug, we cry, I keep crying and trying to talk. I seriously try to get it together, but you could see the look Dr Krause's like she's going to cry too and she just gets it. She's in the exact right line of work. Then we talk- she says, "You probably remember from last time..." I quickly replied, "I know nothing, tell me everything." I just lost all my knowledge of next steps and expectations. She goes on to explain they will call me later with HCG levels (pregnancy hormone) and then see me again in two days to measure those levels again. We want them to double every few days and then we can set up an ultrasound. 

The cool thing (well one of them) is that even though I've only been pregnant for 12 days, I'm four weeks along due to all the hormones, schedules, five day blastocysts and such. So this would be the day that I would miss a period if we had conceived naturally. Most people wouldn't even know they are pregnant yet. And I, I get to have an ultrasound in two weeks and it will be a 6 week ultrasound! 

So for now, I keep doing the estrogen three times a day, keep doing the progesterone injections nightly, keep buying those estrogen patches- basically keep everything the same because it's working! 

Turns out, those signs and symptoms I was explaining with logic really were pregnancy symptoms!!

Also, my nurse that avoided eye contact KNEW the results, was trying not to ruin the surprise because she had been crying happy tears for us and didn't want me to see her crying. :) And the rest of the staff, no joke, everyone who works at Fertility and Endocrine came out to hug and love on us. They are the BEST. 

So thank you!!! All the well wishes, prayers, thoughts, happy vibes!! Just keep ‘em coming!! We are cautiously optimistic. Extremely happy but always waiting for the next check up. 

Just a few needles, no big deal. 

And a goofy Lucy pic, because this is how I feel. Giddy! 

By the way, she has no clue. And she doesn't need to. We have been focused on potty training over Thanksgiving break and she's basically rocking it now. She is constantly singing and dancing and eating marshmallows. She will tell you all about the friends that she makes up- Eggy Veit, Etcher, Asa- yea, we have no clue where she gets these names. She helps empty the dishwasher and throws a little fit if you fold clothes without her. She's turning out to be much more helpful than I envisioned a two year old being. Her current job is turning on the Christmas lights and she takes it very seriously. She's still singing Happy Birthday every night... but more often these days we sing "Happy Birthday to Sooooooomebody, happy birthday to you!" because she understands everyone has a birthday but we don't know whose birthday it is everyday. She's the best. 

Good Golly!

By golly, I mean-what an eventful few days of "rest."

So Wednesday was normal. I went to school, taught until my guidance counselor took over at the end of the day (Huge thanks to Ashlyn for switching my class days and thank you Danielle!) When I left school, I went home to pick up Matt and we headed over to Fertility and Endocrine. It was totally uneventful and super relaxing. We waltzed in, asked questions and got great answers. We took care of  business and completed the transfer with zero hesitation. My body was cooperative and my doctors were confident. I had one job to do! Stay warm and relax! 

So we ordered a delicious meal, picked it up on the way home and Matt realized they forgot my favorite part (dessert!) sooooo being wonderful- he drove back to Louisville to get that dessert. <3 Amazon then delivered "Hilariously Infertile" a book that I had been waiting to read for just this opportunity. I finished it too quickly though- while Lucy read her library books. :) We shared dessert- even though Lucy told Matt that "momma never shares her cake with me!" And then we rested! 

Then we woke up on Thursday.... and at 6:15 our power went out. We also got the notification that school was canceled, so that was kind of funny since I wasn't going to be there anyway. Matt had to go to work anyway and Gran, (even though she didn't have power either!!) came and got Lucy. Thursday was still okay though, because it hadn't gotten too cold. I snuggled, read three more books, checked on the power outage situation and walked around the house. Gran and Dallas brought me lunch and life was chill. And then it started snowing! We joined family for a delicious dinner and cousin time. 
Things get interesting when you have no power and its time to go to bed. It's not so much the cold- who am I kidding, it was too cold- but the silence is so much worse! We put batteries in Lucy's sound machine and with fleece jammies and cuddly blankets, she was fine. I, on the other hand, slept 3 hours total. When the night finally ended, I immediately made arrangements for Friday night.  Gran's power had come back on and she picked Lucy up and I.... I had to wait on progesterone to be delivered to my house, my cold house. I decided sitting in my car with the heat on and phone charging was my best bet on getting my delivery quickly. I was so wrong. 
I kept tracking my package, which was to arrive at 10:30. Well, 10:30 came and went and the tracking on FedEx showed the deliver driver had skipped my stop. Any other day, that probably would have been fine. But when I am sitting in my car waiting and I will not be home later because there is no power, and you are supposed to be delivering the vial that I am injecting into my body every night- well, thats just not okay. So I call FedEx, get some info from dispatch- after letting them know exactly how I feel about being skipped on the delivery route.. and drive on over to where the FedEx delivery guy is chowing down on his lunch. I politely(Yea right, I was steaming) waited on him for OVER AN HOUR to finish his lunch and approach him to ask if I can get my package(essentially doing his job for him since he will no longer have to deliver it). He responds with "no" and thats just not good business either. So I continue to wait in the parking lot stating in front of the FedEx truck- lets just say, the cold was not a problem anymore.  I was trying not to stress, but after three hours of cold sleep, knowing I wouldn't be home later and needing that progesterone for later that night-it was hard to use positive intent. I didn't even say thank you. Looking back, I could've done a lot worse, but I felt super justifiably rude. 

After I got my progesterone vial, life was back to almost fine. I actually went to see Instant Family at the movie theatre by myself. It was a great movie. I am going to blame it on the hormones, lack of sleep and recent experiences but I cried, and I laughed and I cried some more. It was only a little awkward when a sweet older lady followed me out of the theatre to ask if I was okay. 
After I recovered, I was missing my baby and went to get Lucy. Then, we met friends at a new little ice cream place that was celebrating a grand opening. It was so cute, although crowded and I was looking ROUGH- so we avoided the cameras at all costs! I was able to breathe and laugh and that might've saved me! 

We waited for Matt to get done with work and went somewhere warm for the night!! A sweet, sleepy, dreamy, cozy, warm, TWELVE hours of sleep later and the world looks a lot nicer. Saturday was lovely. Lucy got to go be a big girl and see the Wizard of Oz with Beth and the girls and Matt and I saw Mike Ryan (new country band) at a small concert where we were able to sit and sing along the whole time. Sunday was fun too, lots of hanging out- also blowing the leaves, mowing the grass and doing laundry. 
It's hard not be active, but I took a picture of the doctors orders to keep reminding myself to take it easy. Three days of rest, then two weeks of just walking- no running, no horseback riding, no walking large dogs that would pull on leashes. :) I can handle that- but that means no kickball on Tuesday and that's rough.  Two weeks, I can handle two weeks! 
It makes it especially easy because we only have two days of school this week! Then Thanksgiving is happening! If I can just make it to the 28th, then I'll have some news to work with! Until then, think positive and send me patience if you have any extra! <3
I just love everyone so much! Receiving well wishes all the way from Florida in the middle of the FedEx fiasco was exactly what I needed to keep it together- KIM!!! <3 Just knowing everyone is ready and supportive and willing to be part of this is super cool. I always know you all have my back! Love to you!! 

❄️ We’re doing it! ❄️

We’re doing it!

We got the schedule for the transfer, it’s happening on Wednesday. That means bedrest on Thursday and Friday, light activity Saturday. It also means we started progesterone shots last night! (Like a champ)

I’ll continue the cocktail of vitamins- which have my nails growing like crazy! We will transfer on Wednesday and keep doing the estrogen patches, progesterone shots, more progesterone and all the vitamins.

So the patches, they worked beautifully! My first lining check was 8.3 mm, which “beats” my final lining check from last round that was 7.34. My second lining check was only two days later and I measured 9.4! Annnd there’s a middle layer of lining that was there and visible and that’s what we want for a smooth transfer.

So these patches are great- they are also expensive and of course insurance covers 0% of anything. Eight patches costs about $200 and lasts me two weeks. If the transfer works, I’ll be wearing the patches for the first 10-12 weeks. Soooooo if you’re interested in doing a t-shirt order, we are getting that started!

So after the transfer, there will be no news. There is a two week wait- dreaded in the infertility community- where you just stay busy. You don't make plans, you don't dream dreams, you just distract yourself with the present and try not to think about the results too much. 

After the two week wait, we will be cautiously optimistic and share news when we are comfortable. So just keep assuming that it worked because thats what we will do! <3 

Oh my Lucy!

  Oh my Lucy!   

She's a super fun nerd and I love everything she does (except when she runs and doesn't stop when I say stop, we’re working on that...). She is awesome though and we are obviously obsessed. She's wildly happy and already provides convincing arguments as to why she's right...but she's TWO.

    October was the busiest of times and we loved every second of it! I am relieved to get to November....We will slow down for half a second and then run around again! 

     In other news, we've got plans! Here we go again with the plans, right? Big plans, frozen embryo transfer plans!
     Gearing up with estrogen patches instead of pills and gel this time though. We're hoping the estrogen patches will provide a constant delivery of hormones instead of the highs and lows of the pills and gel. I go back to Dr. Krause on Wednesday to check my uterine lining. From there, we schedule progesterone injections (SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS) and the frozen embryo transfer. (AAAHHHH) I am so excited and scared and the good kind of nervous. I am taking all the vitamins, going with the flow and not even worrying about timing and how convenient or inconvenient any of this is. Its fine, and if its not fine- its still fine!  

This...right here. 

We waited to be "public" with the information...but I love my people and I need my people. For the best news with celebrations or for the hugs and consideration in case it's not so good news. 

All the positive vibes- thats what we need! 

Because when you can't get that thought out of your head or heart, you have to make it happen- even if it's scary. That goal stays there even after you fail and that goal is my motivation.