I tell myself all the time.
I am pregnant, but getting here has been the hardest thing I've done so far.
Being pregnant has been a breeze so far compared to getting here.
Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after 12 months of consecutive, unprotected sex.
Did you know 1 in 8 couples are enduring the thought that they may never conceive?
In some way, we were luckier than most. We knew there was a problem after just a few months of trying to conceive. My body was not naturally doing what it was meant to do. It was tough to ask the doctor, "What is wrong with me?" while thinking the whole time, "What can I do to fix this? and How soon can it be fixed?" We didn't have to wait a year to investigate the problem. It has been 3 years now since we started trying to conceive. It took us 2 years and 4 months to get that positive pregnancy test.
I do not get told 'no' often. ;) I have always known and that the harder I work, the more I can accomplish. But how can you work harder when your body is not cooperating and your brain cannot comprehend that you cannot control this situation?? No, has just never been an option. I am a bit of a control freak and being able to take medication and schedule procedures was helpful because at least I was doing something. It was impossible for me to do nothing and hope for the best. I am so glad I had doctors to guide me through each step and feed me information constantly, although insurance in Indiana will help with ZERO of the medical costs to investigate or any level of treatment for infertility.
After provera, clomid, metformin, femara, ovulation tests, and HCG injections, I have learned so much.
I love learning. I never thought I would devour every book about infertility and every online article I could find. My goodness, have I learned so much.....
I've learned that it is normal to feel like you are not enough when your body fails you. I've learned that it is okay to be angry at the situation, as long as you don't live there. I've learned it is okay to be sad because infertility is sad. It is so hard and you have to keep trying. Like I said, I've learned a lot.
Most importantly, I've learned that I don't have to hide infertility. I don't have to be embarrassed. My struggle with conceiving was not caused by anything I did or did not do.
The most valuable lesson I learned was that it is okay to ask for help. It's okay to talk about the sadness of dreams not working out how you had planned. It is okay to feel the saddest of sads when you lose the pregnancy that ended infertility for you and your husband.
Speaking of my husband... He is absolutely the best. He has endured everything with an attitude of hope and positivity. He has been the one to embrace me during the toughest of times and he could handle me when I couldn't handle talking about the hurt and the pain. I know it was rough and we know that it isn't going to be easy from here on out, but it's a different kind of hard that we are willing to tackle as a team. Infertility affects so many and in different ways, but it has to be okay to talk about and it has to be okay to ask for help. We are all just human and we need each other. Please let me know if you ever want to talk.
I love you all dearly and I just cannot thank you enough for investing your hearts in our adventure. <3
