We went to the doctor today...

Teaser title... I know....

So I can breathe now. Which is am improvement from this morning. I woke drenched in sweat with my arm numb and my neck stiff from sleeping like a maniac. I quickly pulled it together, picked Matt up from work, drove over to Louisville and sat patiently (yea, right) with a full bladder because I knew the doctor needed that. 

First step, empty bladder-check.
Next, get blood drawn-check.
Then, doctor walks in with a urine test strip and says, "I have good news."

That's when my body decided to function normally. All the sudden, breathing was easy, my muscles relaxed even though I didn't consciously know I was tensed  up. 
We started talking about immediate next steps such as ordering more progesterone injections (I've never been so excited about shots) and scheduling the next blood test to ensure my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels double and then in 2 weeks or so, an ultrasound. 

We are ecstatic, but cautious. You see, we've had a positive pregnancy test before. We've even had an ultrasound before with blood work that proved my HCG levels doubled. We've never heard a heartbeat though. So when week 10 or 12 comes around, when that poppy seed grows into a lime-we will be the wildest, craziest, celebratory people you've ever met in your entire life. Right now, we are happy...so happy.  
We are technically at 4 weeks right now, just to put in perspective how early this is... most women who conceive naturally don't even know they are pregnant at this point.

We simply couldn't have made it this far without all of the love, positive thoughts, prayers and support from near and far! This is amazing. We also need to ask you for "controlled celebrations." :) We're talking golf clap, nod of the head, acknowledgement but no ALL CAPS CONGRATS....because we are taking this in, loving every moment- but also accepting that this plan is not written in stone and things can (although I'm positive they won't) change. (Feel free to record your happy dances and we will compile them into a video to show the baby, just wait to send them to me for a few weeks.) <3

Just for more perspective, here is a picture of the injections I've already done. Two years ago, I may have hyperventilated just from looking at this picture. And the medications I take every night. Funny how you think you couldn't handle something until you do.

Sorry about the teaser title too, I just know how hard it is to read pregnancy announcements on Facebook and that's why I decided the blog would be super helpful.

 I love you all and thank you for your continued support and positive thinking! 

So what's going on now?

I'd love to tell ya. 

So after three days of being allowed to only move from the couch to the chair to the bed.... I'm a free woman again! As long as I'm not horseback riding, I'm allowed to live life as normal. It's great timing too, with all the Christmas errands and winter break relaxing going on. My doctor couldn't have planned this any better! 
I'm having a good time waiting. I thought it would be tough, but I love it. It's a magical time of limitless possibilities!! I can Pinterest and dream until my heart is content. I can get wrapped up in the magic and distraction of Christmas!  I can think about the future with no one to tell me no. My dreams.... Those have been interesting- save those for the dream journal. ;)  Honestly though, it's awesome to think of all the great things that are going to happen in my body in the months ahead. I am still being realistic though, I have been making plans in case it doesn't work also. Those plans consist of waiting two months and trying IVF again. (Doc approved) So mostly I'm been thinking about how life will change with that positive test. :) 

The only tough part is the pesky progesterone injections. I'm running out of room with all the bruises on my hips. When we get that positive result, I get to keep getting injections!  They also make me feel a tiny bit weepy, like "cry to a sad song in the car, what is happening to me, I never used to cry" kind of weepy. But I'm fine *sniff,* I'm fine. 


I found the CUTEST book at Target while finishing up some Christmas shopping. It's about wishing for a child but it's written as a children's book. Here's a peek.... 

Here's the science of what is happening! I found the best explanation and I really like the details, so if you are into the science of this amazing process- check this out! 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Think Positive! 

My people are amazing.

I am the luckiest girl in the world! 

     I reached out about our struggle and my people, they made it their job to lift me up. I have the most supportive and patient husband in the world and right behind him are my people. YOU are my people.The positive attitudes, the hopeful encouragement, the prayers and happy vibes sent my way- I was never told this journey would be easy, but with all of this love, its been awesome! 

#ThinkPositive

     We have completed the transfer! It was smooth and everything went exactly how it should have....well after we figured out the new Lincoln Bridge on the way over to the doctor's office (apparently you cannot get to 64 yet). My doctor was amazing and made the process so simple for us. I was awake and aware and it really took about 5 minutes. My instructions after the procedure include, "You are to rest at home for three days with minimal amount of activity. You are to be resting on the couch or in a recliner." Sounds nice, right? I'm feeling great, so it's not the easiest thing to do nothing, but I got this. 
     Some other awesome news is that because we had more embryos than we used we will find out tomorrow how many we can freeze- Isn't science cool?? When we want to try again, we won't have to start at the beginning! 

So I'll be out of school for two weeks over winter break and those two weeks I will wait patiently (HA!). I have an appointment on December 29th for a test to see if it worked. I know it will. 

I will be honest with the hesitation to share the results. I will need your love and support if it is negative (because we WILL try again) and if it is positive....I'll need you to delay the celebration until we are farther along. I will lose my mind with happiness but also have the shadows of what-ifs that we lived through last May.. Such a complicated and emotional situation. 

It's a good thing you all have my back. <3

This may be TMI....

It's personal information but I want to share. It may be too much but I want to remember all of it, exactly as it happened. 

So up until Wednesday Dec. 9th  I was doing two injections a night. On Thursday, no injections!! Friday morning Matt and I woke up early, stopped by school to get some PTO paperwork since I would have to miss the PTO league basketball game that night (major bummer) and headed to Louisville Reproductive Center. We arrived early enough that the office was still locked because someone was running late- an interesting start combined with my super full ovaries. It was uncomfortable to sit and wait, that's how swollen my ovaries were. 

We got in and got comfortable. I was able to get in the bed within minutes! Here's the inspiring quote on the wall in the changing room! 

As soon as I was hooked up to the anesthesia, I was out! When I woke up I was very interested in talking about U of L basketball...? "They recently played Grand Canyon University. They were antelopes, and we scored 111 points. Levitch and Stockman got to play. Onuaku shoots his free throws granny-style, but he doesn't always make them." 

I think that would be the BEST part of being a doctor aside from saving lives. Getting to see people wake up and act goofy would be priceless! 

When I was a little more "with it" and Matt came back to see me the doctor updated me on our numbers. They had retrieved 24 eggs from me and 57 million from Matt. Yea, yea, Matt did an excellent job. ;) 

The procedure started at 9:00 and I was walking out at 12:30. Matt did have to go back to Louisville to pick up the prescriptions the nurse forgot to send with us. 

I went home and slept off the anesthesia, updated anyone who wanted to know, replied to messages from my guest teacher, I even rode to Walgreens with Matt (and regretted every second) and then ate dinner.... And promptly got sick. So I showered and went back to bed. I woke up feeling fine, just a little sore. 

Out of my 24, 20 were mature eggs. On Saturday my amazing doctor called me to update me on the status of my eggs. 

Out of the 20, 6 were used for conventional IVF, meaning they let the sperm go for it. The eggs were available and the sperm were allowed to figure it out on their own. Only 3 of those eggs fertilized. This is helpful information to me because it provides some reasoning for why it wasn't working for us even when we forced ovulation and provided supplements for the eggs. 

With 14 eggs left, my doctor used another method of injecting certain sperm into the egg. Intra- cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). All of those 14 eggs fertilized. 

So right now, we have 17 fertilized eggs in the lab. The doctor was very clear that there will be a drop off and she will be in contact with us every day up until the transfer on Wednesday. 

So for now, I'll keep up with my medication schedule and start the once a night, progesterone injections to prepare my body for pregnancy!!! 

Huge thanks to everyone checking on me, thinking & praying for me, filling in at the basketball game and being awesome. 

I have the BEST people in my life. It means everything to me! <3 #ThinkPositive #TeamBratcher 

So far, so good. IVF explained.

Here is IVF.....So I've been taking follistim injections for nine days- the cute green case and the tiny, friendly needle. Follistim stimulates ovaries to produce eggs, and it's working! My doctor has increased the dosage twice so my ovaries are working hard. I've also started Ganirelix injections... A glass syringe with a not so friendly needle. Thankful I only have to give this one five times! All I have to do is think about a sweet baby and the pain goes away! 

I will go to the doctor again on Monday so we can set the date for the egg retrieval. On that day, I will be put under anesthesia so my doctor can collect those eggs we've been working so hard on growing. 

After collecting the eggs, my doctor will pass them through the drive through window in the surgical room to the lab to have them meet Matts "contribution." In the lab, the eggs will create embryos and after five days those embryos will be sorted and some will be transferred back into my uterus. After "putting them back" I will be resting for three days so my body can work extra hard to make a baby growing environment. We will have to wait two weeks for a pregnancy test done through blood work to know if IVF worked. 

IVF in a nutshell. 

If you have any questions, just know that I would love to talk about it. It's so cool that science and medicine can make this possible. 

Hoping for the best, but also mentally preparing for the worst.

 Super excited and realistic. 

Thinking positive and keeping it together. 

So many emotions. 

Just know we are forever thankful for all the positive thoughts, encouraging words and the ever growing support for me and Matt for this challenging adventure! This will be the most hoped for, prayed for, wished for baby in the entire world!! We are lucky. <3 

This is "Rain From Heaven," a song I've listened to for quite awhile. I love the lyrics and I listened to it again tonight as I was doing injections. It is just so sweet. 
Rain from Heaven
This fruit from the strongest vine
Finest grapes in a glass of wine
Oh baby, time after time
The sweetness is in the struggle
When the sky turns to gray
Don't let the dark blind the way
Love is night and love is day
There's always beauty in the trouble