We went to the doctor today...

Teaser title... I know....

So I can breathe now. Which is am improvement from this morning. I woke drenched in sweat with my arm numb and my neck stiff from sleeping like a maniac. I quickly pulled it together, picked Matt up from work, drove over to Louisville and sat patiently (yea, right) with a full bladder because I knew the doctor needed that. 

First step, empty bladder-check.
Next, get blood drawn-check.
Then, doctor walks in with a urine test strip and says, "I have good news."

That's when my body decided to function normally. All the sudden, breathing was easy, my muscles relaxed even though I didn't consciously know I was tensed  up. 
We started talking about immediate next steps such as ordering more progesterone injections (I've never been so excited about shots) and scheduling the next blood test to ensure my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels double and then in 2 weeks or so, an ultrasound. 

We are ecstatic, but cautious. You see, we've had a positive pregnancy test before. We've even had an ultrasound before with blood work that proved my HCG levels doubled. We've never heard a heartbeat though. So when week 10 or 12 comes around, when that poppy seed grows into a lime-we will be the wildest, craziest, celebratory people you've ever met in your entire life. Right now, we are happy...so happy.  
We are technically at 4 weeks right now, just to put in perspective how early this is... most women who conceive naturally don't even know they are pregnant at this point.

We simply couldn't have made it this far without all of the love, positive thoughts, prayers and support from near and far! This is amazing. We also need to ask you for "controlled celebrations." :) We're talking golf clap, nod of the head, acknowledgement but no ALL CAPS CONGRATS....because we are taking this in, loving every moment- but also accepting that this plan is not written in stone and things can (although I'm positive they won't) change. (Feel free to record your happy dances and we will compile them into a video to show the baby, just wait to send them to me for a few weeks.) <3

Just for more perspective, here is a picture of the injections I've already done. Two years ago, I may have hyperventilated just from looking at this picture. And the medications I take every night. Funny how you think you couldn't handle something until you do.

Sorry about the teaser title too, I just know how hard it is to read pregnancy announcements on Facebook and that's why I decided the blog would be super helpful.

 I love you all and thank you for your continued support and positive thinking! 

So what's going on now?

I'd love to tell ya. 

So after three days of being allowed to only move from the couch to the chair to the bed.... I'm a free woman again! As long as I'm not horseback riding, I'm allowed to live life as normal. It's great timing too, with all the Christmas errands and winter break relaxing going on. My doctor couldn't have planned this any better! 
I'm having a good time waiting. I thought it would be tough, but I love it. It's a magical time of limitless possibilities!! I can Pinterest and dream until my heart is content. I can get wrapped up in the magic and distraction of Christmas!  I can think about the future with no one to tell me no. My dreams.... Those have been interesting- save those for the dream journal. ;)  Honestly though, it's awesome to think of all the great things that are going to happen in my body in the months ahead. I am still being realistic though, I have been making plans in case it doesn't work also. Those plans consist of waiting two months and trying IVF again. (Doc approved) So mostly I'm been thinking about how life will change with that positive test. :) 

The only tough part is the pesky progesterone injections. I'm running out of room with all the bruises on my hips. When we get that positive result, I get to keep getting injections!  They also make me feel a tiny bit weepy, like "cry to a sad song in the car, what is happening to me, I never used to cry" kind of weepy. But I'm fine *sniff,* I'm fine. 


I found the CUTEST book at Target while finishing up some Christmas shopping. It's about wishing for a child but it's written as a children's book. Here's a peek.... 

Here's the science of what is happening! I found the best explanation and I really like the details, so if you are into the science of this amazing process- check this out! 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Think Positive! 

My people are amazing.

I am the luckiest girl in the world! 

     I reached out about our struggle and my people, they made it their job to lift me up. I have the most supportive and patient husband in the world and right behind him are my people. YOU are my people.The positive attitudes, the hopeful encouragement, the prayers and happy vibes sent my way- I was never told this journey would be easy, but with all of this love, its been awesome! 

#ThinkPositive

     We have completed the transfer! It was smooth and everything went exactly how it should have....well after we figured out the new Lincoln Bridge on the way over to the doctor's office (apparently you cannot get to 64 yet). My doctor was amazing and made the process so simple for us. I was awake and aware and it really took about 5 minutes. My instructions after the procedure include, "You are to rest at home for three days with minimal amount of activity. You are to be resting on the couch or in a recliner." Sounds nice, right? I'm feeling great, so it's not the easiest thing to do nothing, but I got this. 
     Some other awesome news is that because we had more embryos than we used we will find out tomorrow how many we can freeze- Isn't science cool?? When we want to try again, we won't have to start at the beginning! 

So I'll be out of school for two weeks over winter break and those two weeks I will wait patiently (HA!). I have an appointment on December 29th for a test to see if it worked. I know it will. 

I will be honest with the hesitation to share the results. I will need your love and support if it is negative (because we WILL try again) and if it is positive....I'll need you to delay the celebration until we are farther along. I will lose my mind with happiness but also have the shadows of what-ifs that we lived through last May.. Such a complicated and emotional situation. 

It's a good thing you all have my back. <3

This may be TMI....

It's personal information but I want to share. It may be too much but I want to remember all of it, exactly as it happened. 

So up until Wednesday Dec. 9th  I was doing two injections a night. On Thursday, no injections!! Friday morning Matt and I woke up early, stopped by school to get some PTO paperwork since I would have to miss the PTO league basketball game that night (major bummer) and headed to Louisville Reproductive Center. We arrived early enough that the office was still locked because someone was running late- an interesting start combined with my super full ovaries. It was uncomfortable to sit and wait, that's how swollen my ovaries were. 

We got in and got comfortable. I was able to get in the bed within minutes! Here's the inspiring quote on the wall in the changing room! 

As soon as I was hooked up to the anesthesia, I was out! When I woke up I was very interested in talking about U of L basketball...? "They recently played Grand Canyon University. They were antelopes, and we scored 111 points. Levitch and Stockman got to play. Onuaku shoots his free throws granny-style, but he doesn't always make them." 

I think that would be the BEST part of being a doctor aside from saving lives. Getting to see people wake up and act goofy would be priceless! 

When I was a little more "with it" and Matt came back to see me the doctor updated me on our numbers. They had retrieved 24 eggs from me and 57 million from Matt. Yea, yea, Matt did an excellent job. ;) 

The procedure started at 9:00 and I was walking out at 12:30. Matt did have to go back to Louisville to pick up the prescriptions the nurse forgot to send with us. 

I went home and slept off the anesthesia, updated anyone who wanted to know, replied to messages from my guest teacher, I even rode to Walgreens with Matt (and regretted every second) and then ate dinner.... And promptly got sick. So I showered and went back to bed. I woke up feeling fine, just a little sore. 

Out of my 24, 20 were mature eggs. On Saturday my amazing doctor called me to update me on the status of my eggs. 

Out of the 20, 6 were used for conventional IVF, meaning they let the sperm go for it. The eggs were available and the sperm were allowed to figure it out on their own. Only 3 of those eggs fertilized. This is helpful information to me because it provides some reasoning for why it wasn't working for us even when we forced ovulation and provided supplements for the eggs. 

With 14 eggs left, my doctor used another method of injecting certain sperm into the egg. Intra- cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). All of those 14 eggs fertilized. 

So right now, we have 17 fertilized eggs in the lab. The doctor was very clear that there will be a drop off and she will be in contact with us every day up until the transfer on Wednesday. 

So for now, I'll keep up with my medication schedule and start the once a night, progesterone injections to prepare my body for pregnancy!!! 

Huge thanks to everyone checking on me, thinking & praying for me, filling in at the basketball game and being awesome. 

I have the BEST people in my life. It means everything to me! <3 #ThinkPositive #TeamBratcher 

So far, so good. IVF explained.

Here is IVF.....So I've been taking follistim injections for nine days- the cute green case and the tiny, friendly needle. Follistim stimulates ovaries to produce eggs, and it's working! My doctor has increased the dosage twice so my ovaries are working hard. I've also started Ganirelix injections... A glass syringe with a not so friendly needle. Thankful I only have to give this one five times! All I have to do is think about a sweet baby and the pain goes away! 

I will go to the doctor again on Monday so we can set the date for the egg retrieval. On that day, I will be put under anesthesia so my doctor can collect those eggs we've been working so hard on growing. 

After collecting the eggs, my doctor will pass them through the drive through window in the surgical room to the lab to have them meet Matts "contribution." In the lab, the eggs will create embryos and after five days those embryos will be sorted and some will be transferred back into my uterus. After "putting them back" I will be resting for three days so my body can work extra hard to make a baby growing environment. We will have to wait two weeks for a pregnancy test done through blood work to know if IVF worked. 

IVF in a nutshell. 

If you have any questions, just know that I would love to talk about it. It's so cool that science and medicine can make this possible. 

Hoping for the best, but also mentally preparing for the worst.

 Super excited and realistic. 

Thinking positive and keeping it together. 

So many emotions. 

Just know we are forever thankful for all the positive thoughts, encouraging words and the ever growing support for me and Matt for this challenging adventure! This will be the most hoped for, prayed for, wished for baby in the entire world!! We are lucky. <3 

This is "Rain From Heaven," a song I've listened to for quite awhile. I love the lyrics and I listened to it again tonight as I was doing injections. It is just so sweet. 
Rain from Heaven
This fruit from the strongest vine
Finest grapes in a glass of wine
Oh baby, time after time
The sweetness is in the struggle
When the sky turns to gray
Don't let the dark blind the way
Love is night and love is day
There's always beauty in the trouble

The beginning of something beautiful.

We are officially started on the journey of IVF!

I went to my first IVF appointment for a baseline ultrasound and blood work on Friday (11/27). I used to be nervous around needles, like on the verge of hyperventilating, cried until I was 20, "I can't look!" kind of nervous.  Yesterday, I never even flinched! I am unstoppable now. ;) 

I was so excited to get the green light to get started! My ovaries were "quiet" and my estrogen levels were low enough to begin. I was also able to ask a thousand (14 really) questions I had added to my list and talk about my upcoming appointments. I'll be visiting the office twice a week to ensure my ovaries are producing the right amount of eggs and not too many. 

My doctor was almost equally excited about us doing IVF. I couldn't help but tell her the story of how this became possible. I teared up as I shared the encouragement and support Matt and I were showered with after sharing our story. <3

Although I didn't go shopping on Black Friday, the transaction I made at the doctors office proves to be the most expensive day of the year. My heart is still bursting with joy that friends and family made this possible. We love you!

So last night, I started the injections.(adorable case, right?) I went into a spare bedroom, set up my station and after 10 seconds I was done! Then we went bowling and I won a game! 

I'm telling you, I'm unstoppable. 

We've got this!

     The support from my "village" has been more than anyone could ever imagine! I went to my first appointment this week, which was a class to teach me to give myself the injections and a tour of the Louisville Reproductive Center. I should have known I was going to have to prove myself before I left but it was a surprise to me that after watching and learning I had to give myself an injection before I could leave. It seemed scary but really, the needle is tiny and I only cried a little teardrop of RELIEF when I had conquered that shot! My nurse was a dear and she was sure right when she said, "Don't you feel better now that you know you can do it by yourself?" YES. YES. YES. I've got this.
     The medications and procedures were explained. My calendar was assigned and color coded, my program is planned. I'm just so excited to have this new plan!!! I've got this.  

     I went ahead and told my school family my story and struggle, if they hadn't seen it on Facebook yet. It came as somewhat of a warning.... like be prepared if I act like a crazy person. All I can say is-lucky me. The reaction was like a great big hug. Orders of bracelets and t-shirts came flying my way! Also, my tutoring schedule has been FILLED.  Everyone has my back and everyone has offered to help and support me and Matt on this adventure. My friends offered stories of support, words of encouragement and offers of help at school.  One friend let me know that I will feel crazy when I start injections and that it's okay because I will be crazy. Another friend comforted me with "everyone that is pregnant gets overly emotional!" I even had a student's parent offer to bring me drinks and treats! My school family is the best, absolutely the best. I cannot wait to introduce a baby to this world of love and support that I live in. (Awww, a baby gator! 🐊)
 

    My next appointment is the day after Thanksgiving and that will be the day I start my shots. Keep my in your thoughts and wish me well! I've got this, right? :) 




YouCaring Account

This just got more real.

My medicine was delivered today. Talk about intimidating.... 

The schedule of injections is intense and I'm so excited about getting started! 

My first instinct was to put my supplies in a cute basket. Much less scary. :) 

I also wanted to share some awesome support I've received. Last year, one of my teaching partners was the ever amazing, Megan Bliss. Megan only knew a few details about my situation but she knew I was going through some tough times. 

I had to miss a half day of school for a procedure and without going into any details with my students, she made a video for me. Needless to say, I cried because it touched my heart and made me so happy! 

Here is the link, it's from last year but I will continue to watch it when I get overwhelmed. I'm lucky to have you, Megan!! <3 

Here is the link! 

Every Little Thing's Gonna Be Alright

Love made this possible.

    As I recover from the shock, surprise, and overwhelming amount of support I can honestly say asking for help might've been the hardest move for me-but it was the right move. It's been unbelievable to hear and read the support from everyone. I cannot express our appreciation enough! I know we've got the BEST support system and that's what we need!

I was able to call my doctor and set up appointments to learn how to give myself injections and for a baseline ultrasound and blood work analysis.
I've even gotten my calendar of medications along with appointments! My doctor sure is efficient! I've also received my calendar for procedures and medications. 
I received a call from the speciality pharmacy with my doctors orders. I wanted to check just to be sure that insurance wouldn't help cover the cost of medications. So out of the eight names of medications, insurance helped with exactly zero, it was worth a try, right? 
So medications are ordered, appointments are made. This. Is. Real. 

I'll be posting updates as we continue on this adventure!!

We had a plan.

We had a plan. 

Matt and I were excited about the idea of having children before we even got married. We had a plan, we would buy a house or I would obtain my Master’s degree-whichever came first and then we would be ready for children. After being married for three years, August 2013 came and we became home owners! It was “go time.” We had a plan. We discussed our plan with my doctor and we were ready to go. 

Time passed with no results so we consulted my doctor. There were medications we could try, so we did. May 2014 came around and I graduated with my Master’s degree in education. We thought, maybe it was stress. Still no positive results. In October 2014, we needed a new plan because the medication was not working. We began seeing a specialist at Fertility and Endocrine Associates. There were different medications we could try, so we had a new plan. Our plan now consisted of medications, shots, hospital procedures and surgeries we could try, so we did.

In April 2015, the plan worked! After the emotional toll, the financial strain and hard work, we were pregnant! Our bliss only lasted eight and a half short weeks. The worst day of our life was May 28. There was no plan for a heartbreak like this. 

After another surgery and a cell analysis we learned the miscarriage was a chromosomal defect that we could do nothing about (neither of us were carriers) and it had no relation to the fertility problems we were having. We started medication and shots again. This rounded out our six tries of the suggested plan. Another negative test result

Procedures, shots, medications and surgeries cost money and insurance paid very little. In July 2015, Matt got a second job cleaning dialysis centers and I got a second job at an ice cream shop. At least we had a plan.

The ice cream shop closed  without warning after I worked there for less than three months. My next venture is currently in progress, I tutor students outside of school. (I still have openings!) The only plan we had was to pay off the balances with the doctors and the hospitals.  We stopped using medication. We worked really hard and dreamed of that “As soon as we stopped trying, we got pregnant” storybook ending to our strife.  We had no such luck.

Our hearts stayed broken. We visited our specialist on October 28^th 2015 and were presented the option of a new plan. We cannot make this plan happen on our own. Although we have paid the hospital and doctor bills, we spent our savings to do it. Our next option is using invitro fertilization (IVF) to get pregnant. IVF costs at least $15, 000.00 and our paychecks-even with tutoring after work, cannot handle this abrupt cost.  To begin the process of IVF, we must have $10,123 to start treatment.

That does not include the $2,000 to $3,000 for the medication and injections to prepare my body for the embryo transfer. We are hard workers, if it was possible to work for this sum within a time frame to make it a possibility, we would do it. We’ve sold several things and cut back on everything. We are also terrible at asking for help. This is causing physical pain admitting we can’t do this alone. 

In an effort to raise money to make IVF a possibility, we are making and selling fleece blankets, embroidery floss bracelets and fundraising t-shirts. Every cent of sales will be used for our IVF fund that we will also be contributing to with money from tutoring and saving.

Any donation is welcome, just know that we appreciate it more than words can describe. Here is the link to our YouCaring.com page.

The blankets are $30.00 with your choice of many prints and colors. Bracelets are $3.00- $5.00 with your choice of color and charm. T-shirts are $15, just let me know what size and how many! T-shirts are being provided by Kratz at a discount rate with all profits going to our fund for IVF. 


The good news is, my doctor has shared that because I am young and have gotten pregnant on my own, conceiving in one round of IVF is not guaranteed but my chances are high. 

After over two years of plans not working out and giving it all we’ve got, we need your help for a better chance of growing our family and having a baby.